Did You Ever Notice…?
Here’s something to occupy your thoughts on your next neighborhood walk: count fire hydrants. My bet is you have little sense of how numerous those bright red, cast iron buggers are. They are everywhere and yet often blend into the background.
Same with behavior. It’s always there but not always noticed.
Here’s the thing about not noticing: it is often benign. Ignoring the fire hydrant 50 feet from your home has little impact on your daily life. There are also equally benign behaviors that we rarely notice: the unconscious choice of how you hold your toothbrush or which shoe you habitually tie first. But occasionally the behavior is not so harmless. In fact it may be disruptive. But as with the fire hydrants we simply may not notice it.
A good chunk of our behavior is habitual (some estimates claim up to 40%). We often automatically respond to an event (a stimulus) in a way that is likely to produce a reward (or avoid punishment)—remember B.F. Skinner and operant conditioning from PSY 101? We’ve chosen (consciously or unconsciously) a behavior because it previously worked. But sometimes our unnoticed behavior becomes noticed. For example, if your dentist revealed that you have cavities as a result of poor brushing you are now aware of your brushing technique and—very importantly-–the result of it.
The more significant behavioral blind spot though (with all respect to cavities) is when we are unaware that our approach to leading our team, accomplishing goals, or working with others is actually causing more tension and dysfunction than we knew.
How do you solve this? Become aware. It sounds both easy and obvious, yet requires intention. Here are some intentional actions to create awareness and overcome blind spots:
Observe how people respond to you. Take notes about how you react (automatically to certain inputs—stressful situations, group meetings, etc.). Ask yourself how you could have behaved differently.
Find someone you trust and schedule regular conversations (like a dental check-up without the dentist). Ask for their feedback on projects you’re working on and the barriers you’re encountering. Return the favor to them. Yes, people really do want to help you.
Be present. Pausing for a moment and observing what is happening around you can train your brain to see and feel things you didn’t previously notice. (Those fire hydrants?)
Engage with a leadership coach. Having someone to ask powerful, non-judgemental questions can help adjust those previously dysfunctional behavior choices.
Notice when you are reacting rather than responding. Pause (take a drink of water to force yourself to NOT respond too quickly) or count to five. Allowing yourself a moment to think before reacting is an easy way to practice noticing.
Simply be open to feedback. If you’re asking for it, write it down and say “thank you.”
The risk of operating without awareness is that we can become stagnant, believing all is well and wondering—incredulously—why things did not go the way we hoped. Living with awareness opens the world to new opportunities and growth—whether it’s improving your team leadership, tying your other shoe first, or knowing the number of fire hydrants in your neighborhood. There are nine in mine.
Notes:
Find more insights on the Forty-Two Consulting “Thinking Out Loud” blog.
Find more Thought starters and join the Forty-Two Community.
How we form habits, change existing ones - ScienceDaily
What Is Operant Conditioning and How Does It Work?
Yet Another Study Confirms You're Wildly Underestimating How Much People Want to Help You
