I Made the Right Decision. I’m Just Not Sure Who Agrees
Decisions. While serving on a school board for twelve years I made a lot of them. No environment better exemplifies complicated decision-making than a school board. Yet those years left me with perspective (some bruises as well) and more importantly, an appreciation for decision-making and decision- communicating. Here are a few things I learned:
There must be connection to the “why” and it must be clear. If you do not know the guiding path behind a decision, then you’re in for turbulence. In my school board experience, we always based our decisions on whether the anticipated (key word) result would advance our mission–our “why.” At the very least, this must be the start of good decisions. Communicating the decision(s) need to reference this…often.
Communicating intent–not just results–matters. People want to trust. They really do. But intent is a big piece of decision-making. As Stephen M.R. Covey notes in his terrific book, The Speed on Trust, intent is a core to building and keeping trust. According to Covey, “When we believe people truly are acting in our best interest, we tend to trust them. It’s that simple.” With any decision, include an explanation of intent.
A decision (any decision) will never satisfy everyone. In my twelve years as a board member, there was not one single decision I ever made that was supported by 100 percent of the community. The fact is, most decisions are trade-offs: While it might be a good decision, it may not be the only option. Getting everyone to agree that you’ve made the right decision is really not the goal. Instead the goal should be to get everyone to understand how the decision was made and why. And then move on to implementing it.
People can respond to decisions like jerks. The key word there is “respond.” People will often react with emotion to any decision that impacts them personally. The ability to look past these reactions is an invaluable part of decision-making. Countering that emotional response with another emotional response will only cause an escalation that will not end well. It is better to invite conversation and seek common ground.
“If you do the right thing, people will understand.” Nope. It’s an idealist view but simply believing your decision is the “right thing” is not the same as people agreeing that it is. The bottom line is people agree with decisions for their reasons, not yours. You need to understand their reasons. As Steven Covey says: seek first to understand.
Data and evidence support is terrific…but. If it’s an emotional decision or topic, data–especially too much of it–may further entrench opposing viewpoints. Limiting the amount of “data” also strengthens a position. Too many “...and what about this…” points can dilute a message. It is better to back off and ask open-ended questions to learn about objections or feelings.
Stick to your reasons but be open to change. This one is really hard. Sometimes a seemingly awesome decision turns awful when a better choice arrives. Rethinking is a valuable tool in any decision makers toolbox. The key is to position the change as aligned with the “why” (see above). Organizational psychologist Adam Grant has some great advice here, recommending we continually seek information that goes against our view and embrace being wrong (what he terms “Thinking Again.”).
But possibly the single most important lesson is this: we’re all human. While we may tie our decision to who we are, we are not our decisions. We (both the sender AND receiver of the decision) are a collection of our values (borrowing from Adam Grant, again). Decision-making is a lot about context and audience. A good decision requires understanding both. Hindsight tells me that I’ve missed some contextual clues and not listened to the audience, which led to some stinky decisions. But here’s the thing: there will be another one around the corner and I can learn to make a better one…or one that stinks less, even if you don’t agree.
Notes:
A Leaders Framework for Decision Making
Speed of Trust (Stephen M.R. Covey) and Think Again (Adam Grant): Purposeful Resources
