Find the Key not the Hammer
I recently explained the philosophy of executive coaching to my daughter, a bright, well-educated, creative millennial. She was a bit confused by the coaching process and its value. She wondered why someone would pay to just “talk.” Being the dad of this bright, well-educated, creative millennial, I paused, thought deeply, and developed an illustration of the value of coaching.
“Say you had a locked box that contained something valuable,” I began confidently. “Would it be worth finding someone who could help you find the key?” I brimmed with pride at the precise, eloquent example I constructed.
My daughter, appearing to give the metaphor little thought, responded quickly and matter-of-factly, “No. I’d just find a hammer and break open the box.”
What? Ummm… Yep, duh.
Makes sense, right? The quickest and easiest way to open the box is break it open, by force. With no regard to the damage to the box. Most people wouldn’t bother with any other option. They’d just break it open. Sounds logical—the easiest route to getting something done is to take the quick (presumed easy) route.
Break the box.
But think about the box. The poor box. Destroyed. Wrecked by an impulsive bout of short-termism; a choice to react quickly regardless of the long-term consequences. Never mind that you may need the box later. Just “get the results”; break open the box. Or more precisely, break the team, or the relationship, or the co-worker, or the company (or its values, culture, or mission). Get what you want. Now.
Ok. The metaphor is clear. It often seems easier to simply focus just on results—particularly in today’s goal-oriented culture. The ends justify the means. Except when people are involved. Which is pretty much always. Breaking open the box may cause costly repairs. Or could ruin the box (team, customer, peer…) beyond repair.
Hmm. Maybe NOT the result desired. At least not the long-term result desired. So what is a better approach to the hammer?
Look for the key. Ask questions about the box (the people). What are the motivations or goals that if known could unlock the box?
Can’t find the key? Ask for help. Who has faced a similar locked box and opened it without harm?
Don’t have time to find the key? Rarely, if ever, is this the case. Of course, there are many, many times when speed is the priority. Never, ever should a hammer be the tool of choice. Why? You will need the box later.
Are there creative ways to make a key? Explore options that leverage your strengths; overcome (or at least minimize) your weaknesses—or unproductive behaviors (e.g., always looking for the hammer).
Why is the box locked in the first place? Is the lock an old process or practice that is way past its time?
And maybe the most reflective approach: What if you were the box? Because, at some point, you were (or will be). What approach worked with you? Or what approach caused the most harm that you’d rather not inflict on another box?
The key may not be obvious, nor easy to find. But the box is something you may want to save. Something to consider the next time your impulse is to find the hammer.
